Sunday, May 11, 2008

Day Four: And on the fourth day she rests

Mostly, at least.

Last night, in an attempt to finally get a good night's sleep, I took an OTC sleeping pill and crashed until after noon. We had "stuff" to do today, but it didn't get done. Before we knew it, it was pushing five, and we were supposed to be in Indiana for "our" niece's 2nd birthday. She's Jason's niece, really. I first met the family six years ago at her brother's first birthday. And although Jas and I haven't been a couple for a very long time, I'm still sort of family. The kids call me Aunt MeMe.

Anyway, I guess it's just as hard NOT to talk about what's going on with me as it is to talk about what's going on with me. No one mentioned anything about my situation while I was there. I don't blame them. I probably would have done the same thing. But it still felt weird. Jas's brother in law asked me when my school year was ending, if I was happy to have it over, if I was looking forward to the summer?... and I just didn't know what to say. I just shrugged, said, "Sort of," and left the kitchen.

Talked to Ma for a little while this afternoon. This morning she spent about an hour on the phone talking to a co-worker who'd also had a double mastectomy around 4 years ago. Turns out she tested positive for the genetic predisposition. This woman also opted for simultanious reconstruction, but her plastic surgeon took fat from her stomach to rebuild the Girls.

I wonder why I was not offered this possibility. I do know that her friend was and is overweight. Perhaps I don't have enough extra fat? It's definitely something I'll ask the plastic surgeon. I read up on it a bit, and it makes for a longer surgery, a longer recovery, but also offers fewer future risks associated with inplants. Perhaps my surgeon assumed I would want to go back to having E-cups. That's not my plan, and I'm pretty sure I don't have enough fat on my body to rebuild E-cups. But A's or B's? Maybe.

Otherwise, it was pretty much your run of the mill day here. Sent a few email thank yous to people who have offered support. Had a fantastic time playing with the kids (mostly my niece, as my nephew was rapt by a NASCAR race).

I guess the only other big thing is that my mom is now totally on board with the bilateral mastectomy. I thought if anyone would talk me out of it, it would be her. And yes, I suppose I have been hoping someone WOULD talk me out of it. I told her about my thoughts about the nipple tattoo, told her that I was thinking that the best tattoo would be those silhouettes of naked chicks you see on truck mudflaps. She said, "It's nice you have a sense of humor about it." But her tone said, "don't you dare!"

Crying jag? Check. On the way home from Indiana. And I racked up another last night before I went to bed. So, we're averaging one a day. Maybe tomorrow's goal should be to skip the crying jag entirely.

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