Friday, May 23, 2008

Day 16: Have I really been living with this for 16 days??

So, yesterday I went to see the new Indiana Jones picture with around 15 of my students. And how can you not hear that theme music and want to apply it to every aspect of your life? It's just so frigging victorious sounding. I need to download the themesong onto my iPod and have my mom play it over and over when I get out of surgery. Thank goodness that movie has some serious Girl Power in the person of the adorable and sassy Karen Allen. Did my heart good.

Otherwise, it's been a rough few days. It's just not getting any better and it's probably not going to get any better for a while. Ups and downs. Today my biopsy site began to hurt so bad that I called the doctor to make sure it was normal (it is). Way to have a delayed reaction, body! It's more psychologically painful than it is physically painful. It sucks to walk around with your breast hurting. And I swear the lump is getting bigger. I doubt it is, but it sure feels like it. I don't have to grope around anymore to find it; I can just hone in like a missile.

Today was the last day of school and the last day of work for me. Both a blessing and a curse. As much as I don't feel particularly connected to the school in the way that I was to my school in New Orleans, it's hard to be exacting myself from the community at a time like this. Knowing that after tonight (an end of the year party), I'm pretty much alone.

Much has been said about people wanting to visit and bring me food and whatnot. It's so nice that people even think that way, but I'm a terrible cynic. I gave everyone Ma's phone number and let them know that she'd be my PR agent for the first week or so.

I have been in touch via email with two young women who are breast cancer survivors and we're trying to hook up for lunch or coffee on Tuesday. I am totally looking forward to meeting them. It will be so nice to have that perspective.

I've also done something potentially very weird. I've made an appointment tomorrow at Glamour Shots to have a portrait done. Is that morbid and gross? I just haven't had a nice picture of me taken since my wedding, really (that was 9 years ago). I just want to have a record of the "now" me. A good one. Maybe not morbid and gross. Maybe just corny and naive.

One of the "nice" things about all of this is that it has put me back in closer touch with some long lost friends. And speaking of corny, but sometimes old friends really are the best. Got a great response from one of my college roommates saying, "This may be weird to say, but you're going to be GORGEOUS bald with your big Sinead [O'Conner] eyes!" That email may have been the highlight of my day.

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